Boundary Development
It just comes naturally!
Did you just wake up one morning and start putting everything and everyone before your own well-being? Of course, you didn’t! That’s just not who you are! You enjoy making sure that everything is perfect and in its place. It is your responsibility to be there for everyone because you love to see them happy.
Personal Boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we set for ourselves so that we can identify with our Self-Concept and Self-Worth. It is the way we define and protect ourselves from being used or manipulated by others. These lines become blurred, and we may lose pieces of our identity in the pursuit of helping others.
Living for everyone else can be exhausting.
Let’s look at Rebecca’s day for a second. She has her day planned out with a personal spa appointment followed by a trip to the bookstore that is hosting a book signing event with her favorite author. She has looked forward to meeting the author for over three months. She almost feels guilty for taking time to herself, but she has decided she is worth it!
As Rebecca was getting ready to leave, a friend calls in tears because she and her boyfriend had a horrible fight last night. She told Rebecca, “This was it – she was done with this him.” She rambled on for at least 10 minutes. Rebecca could not get in a word, and so she sat there, watched the clock, and started to get irritated. She was going to be late to her appointment. If only she had the courage to just tell her friend she was late and ask to get together later.
Her friend just said, “Meet me for lunch because I don’t want to be alone.” Have you ever had a conversation where you felt bombarded by someone who really didn’t let you get a word in edgewise? Conversations are the sharing of thoughts and opinions, of being heard by others and listening to them share. Chats between friends should not leave you feeling as if you have been run over by a bulldozer.
A cup of coffee, a good friend, and
open & honest conversation is time well spent.
In her head, Rebecca immediately wishes she hadn’t answered the phone. Then she feels a twinge of guilt for the thought; after all, her friend is hurting and needs her. She immediately puts her life on hold and makes plans to get together with her friend. After she gets off the phone, she realizes that she gave up her Freedom of Choice and has found herself in a position of feeling less than.
Rebecca is torn between helping her friend and taking care of herself. She feels that whichever path she chooses, someone would be getting hurt. Why does it feel she is always the one who gives herself away?
Can you relate to Rebecca and the dilemma she found herself in? Each time you might make a commitment to yourself to be firm and say NO next time. Has that next time ever come or do you just take the easy path and do what people expect you to do?
I want you to uncover your self-worth and start claiming the time, the space, and the respect you deserve. Now is the time to call me (470) 955-6081, and together we will work to find your authentic self.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”
~ Brené Brown
What if I said, “No”?
You may be unaware that you are allowing people to cross your boundaries. People, for the most part, are thankful for all that you do for them. Is it wrong to allow your boundaries to be tromped on? Well, first ask yourself what you lose by letting yourself be pushed around, realizing you are responsible for most of the work and being known as the Reliable One. You might be losing the right to your own opinions and feelings. You might be ignoring your needs and wants to make sure everyone else is taken care of. Your own well-being may not even be an afterthought in your mind.
Not setting boundaries leaves you always wondering: What if I had decided to do things my way? What if I said No? What if I put myself first?
“Setting boundaries is a way of caring for myself. It doesn’t make me mean, selfish, or uncaring (just) because I don’t do things your way. I care about me, too.”
~ Christine Morgan
Setting boundaries is just you saying, “I’m Worth It!”
Even if you find that thought hard to believe right now, I can help you find the courage to dare to accept your worth and work toward finding the true you. Someone once believed in me long enough for me to start accepting my worth.
All it takes is a glimmer of hope that your world can be different, that your inner self is truly something to appreciate and not hide away from others, and the courage to take the first step.
Of course, trying something new can be scary. I assure you it is an amazing journey that once you have started, you will not stop until you have uncovered the True You! I look forward to your journey to Self-Discovery. Call me today at (470) 955-6081, and we can get started.